Spring has officially begun. We made it through all of the winter holidays while working full-time, coaching a varsity sport, and having 2 children playing basketball. Winter is a bit rough, especially when you throw in all of those holiday expectations… holiday decorating, school parties, buying gifts, making memories at home, baking, and the list goes on. After 10 years of coaching a winter sport I have learned to do what I can and look forward to the spring when things open up a bit for us.
just when i think life is going to slow down
Well, now it’s Spring, and while we have a little more time, I still feel the unending expectation to keep up. First comes St Patrick’s day (my girls attend St Pat’s school, so this is a big deal), then Easter, and Mother’s Day, and spring break (which isn’t ever really a break), and the list continues. I feel like I spend a good part of my life trying to “keep up”. But why?
Please know that I am not writing this because I have anything figured out. In fact, I am writing this because I have had an incredibly hard week and I need to remind myself what is truly important. Oftentimes I get myself into survival mode, and I need to remind myself how to keep living real life. Survival mode is a real life, real hard situation to get out of (more on that another time).
BALANCE
It’s mostly about balance right? everything in this life is balance. I recently attended a webinar for coaches, and the keynote speaker talked a bit about this topic. He mentioned that many people think of balance as 50/50, but really balance is about figuring out when to give and take. This has made me start looking at balance in a whole new way. Balance is making the commitment that no matter how many things we have going on we make time for what matters most.
Balance is about allowing myself grace to not get everything done, and to allow one ball to drop because Something else was more important. We don’t have to always keep up with everything. It is ok to set something down in order to prioritize. The things I choose to prioritize over all else are my family, my sanity, and my students. Everything else will survive without me if I cannot keep up this time.
STOP THE COMPARISON GAME
I don’t like to admit it, but this is probably the one thing I struggle most with. Especially with social media! It is so hard not to compare ourselves to other moms, professionals, wives, etc. I see someone on Instagram going on a hike, or making special Easter cookies for their kids’ class, and I instantly feel like I’m not keeping up. If we compare ourselves to those around us, we begin to feel inadequate, and this makes us feel the need to keep up.
What can we do about this?
- Thankfulness – think of three things you are thankful for that someone else may actually be trying to keep up with. Sometimes it is so easy to recognize others, but we need to give ourselves recognition too. There are so many things in my life I am thankful for that are so much more important than keeping up with classroom treats.
- Make a goal list of what is actually important and let everything else go. Even if it seems cool that someone else is doing it if it is not a goal for you then let them have it. If it is still that important, then add it to your goals.
- This really effects us in the summer when I am off with the kids. Many people make a “summer bucket list” but my main goal is to slow down and spend extra time with my family. Therefore, when I see someone else telling me about all of the things they accomplished on their bucket list, and feel myself getting jealous or feel like I’ve missed out I just remind myself that those goals (while they sound awesome) were not actually my goals.
- Remember your strengths! You are stronger than you think and deserve more credit. I often have to remind myself, “you are doing your best, and your best is just as good as theirs.”
STOP APOLOGIZING
no one is perfect, and I certainly don’t claim to be. So why am I constantly apologizing to everyone around me. Don’t get me wrong, if I need to apologize for something then I should, but I am talking about the little things I have guilted myself into feeling bad about. I am a people pleaser at heart and have a strong passion to make others feel better (even if that is at the expense of my own feelings). Therefore, I am committing to try and make a conscious decision of not apologizing if I did not directly do something wrong or it is something completely out of my control. It is ok if I am not keeping up with every person I know, and I do not have to apologize to anyone for doing my own thing and/or having other priorities.
stop doing it all on your own
This is the most important part of being a leader (and motherhood is definitely a leadership role). In today’s world we have so much pressure put on us and it is ok to not handle it alone.
I have a super supportive husband and family backing, but that doesn’t mean it is easy to ask for help. Often times it is easier to just do it myself so I don’t ask. I have gotten better over the past couple of years though about asking for help (not great, but better).
Here are a couple of things I have learned to ask various people for help with:
- Spouse – My husband is always willing to help with literally anything he can, and over the years we have kind of gotten in a rhythm of things he takes on. He is usually the first one to clean the bathrooms, he often cleans up after dinner, he does his share of laundry, and anything else I ask. We also worked together with everything involving the kids (bedtime, baths, etc.).
- Parents – I am so thankful for 4 parents who help us so much with my kids. I am getting better at asking, but still working on the not feeling guilty part. They are always great about being back up babysitters or taking the kids when Justin and I have plans.
- Friends – We have made a couple of friends here in town who have children around the same ages as ours, and they have truly helped me keep my sanity over the years. We all need a break from time to time, and we have gotten in a great practice of taking turns with each other’s kids to give the other one a break. We also from time to time help each other by picking up things when we are out and about running errands.
IT’S OK TO MISS OUT
I am not going to be the one who backs out and am usually up for anything, so this is not something that comes naturally to me. I am learning that in order to keep my sanity I just cannot keep up with everything. That means that sometimes I have to miss out. This also means sometimes I need to prioritize a nap over hanging out with friends. I am a natural extrovert so time around people every day is necessary for my wellbeing, however, this sometimes makes it hard to just relax in the quiet. it is important for us to have quiet time to ourselves without people too (even if for me that is not the most comfortable). I have learned this year that saying no and missing out on something can often be a blessing in disguise, and I do not usually regret the decision.
