I know it has been said a million times, but the days are short! Even during these weeks that seem to drag on forever. I look at my 10 year old and wonder where they went.
To be honest, this post has been taking me a while to write, because it is something I still struggle with everyday. I try to embrace all the life around me, and grasp it all as hard as I can. It seems that in just one day there is an unending list of tasks that make each minute speed by. Then, when it doesn’t all get done I feel like I have failed…
Trust is hard, not just for me, but for everyone. I know this, and I tell myself this pretty much everyday. However, that trust is the only thing that is going to allow us to truly embrace the short days, and the high emotions that being a full time working parent throws at us. We have to trust that we are doing what is best for our family, we have to trust that our best is good enough, we have to trust others and let them help, we have to trust that life is bigger than us, and we have to trust that it is enough.
Here are a few things I am trying to implement into my daily life in order to embrace the good, and maybe keep a little peace along the way…
Take a Step Back
We are constantly learning about ourselves and I have learned over the past year that I am a very reactive person. I feel all of the emotion at once, and I feel them right away. My middle child is also this way, and we are working together to get better at taking a step back. I often don’t overreact in just one part of life, but in all parts. These escaladed emotions are why the days race, and I don’t want to waste anymore time reacting before I have reflected on how I truly feel. Therefore, I have been trying to practice taking a step back.
Before I let my mind tell me how to feel I take a step back from the situation and allow all of my senses to kick in. I take a couple deep breaths and assess the intensity of the situation. Sometimes this is in the form of embracing someone and sometimes it is having to walk away. I am finding that when I can calm these intense moments and emotions time seems to give me a little grace.
Prepare for Anything
The weeks that seem most calm and easy flowing are the ones where I have prepared the mundane feats ahead of time. You know what I’m talk about… meals, laundry, school tasks, routine cleaning (even my hair washing schedule, haha).
Right now we are in the thick of the school year. This is also the time I coach swim team, and both of my daughters play basketball. Sometimes we are doing just about all we can to survive. The weeks that flow the best are the ones where I have planned and prepped meals in advance.
We eat breakfast and dinner at home about 6 days a week, and we all pack our lunches everyday (except my 2 year who eats at the babysitters). as you can imagine, this all takes some major planning. Sometimes I think I can just wing it. That’s when I end up wasting an hour in the evening thinking about and making dinner, and then another 45 min packing lunches. However, when I spend a little time over the weekend preparing it gives me the extra time in the evenings to slow down with my family.
When we are this busy tensions always get high so I don’t need anything else to tie us up or stress us out. Another tasks that can be prepared is clothes. I have all my kids clothes’ portioned out for each day so all the have to do is grab it in the morning and put it on (except weekends when they choose). I normally wash kid laundry on the weekends, and then have them place it right into their school organizers.
Here is what I use for my daughters outfits…
Sink in to What Works
I would like to say that I have a nice slow start to my morning, but this is not only true on occasional weekends. Although I do wake up at 5 AM every morning I still run out of time almost every day of the week. I have to be out the door for work, with my three children by 7:35.
This gives me about two and a half hours…
5:00 get up, get dressed, go to the gym
5:30-6:15ish work out
6:20 – 6:40 Drive back home, make coffee, take vitamins, set out breakfast for the kids (hopefully already pre-prepped), make sure lunches are packed and set out.
6:40-7:05 shower and get myself ready for work
7:05 – 7:35 try to drag my kids out of bed, help them get dressed, feed them, get their lunches (that are hopefully already made), and make sure they have everything else for their day. THIS IS WHERE THINGS CAN GET STICKY… and I have to make decisions on my reactions and my approach.
on any given day you never really know which of my children will be up and in a good mood, and which ones will be mad at the entire universe while out to destroy all that cross their path. However, when we really sink into a good routine everything seems to work out in the end. I even find that these routines help them hold each other accountable as well which always makes my job easier.
Sometimes I think I might go crazy with the unending schedule constantly going through my head, and sometimes I’m pretty sure I’ve already gone crazy. But I know that my family functions better when we know what to expect. There will still be bumps and moments we need to shift, but those are easier to take on when we know we are standing on solid ground.
Breathe
Breathing is controlled by involuntary muscles in your body, and therefore, fortunately for us we do not actually think about this process. However, the intake of oxygen is a necessity in order for your body to create energy. Paying attention to the way we breathe on a daily bases can have a huge impact on so many aspects of life. Did you know that taking deep breathes is one of our easiest, most convenient and natural ways to calm the central nervous system? Sometimes I feel like keeping my stress in check during a very busy season of life is another fulltime job.
There are several things I do on a regular basis to keep stress and anxiety at bay (I.E. workout, pray), however lately, I have learned the importance of deep breathing. The reason stress is so hard on us is because it directly disrupts our normal breathing pattern which in turn can contribute to all sorts of other issues in our system. Stressful situation can put you into a “fight or flight” mode (this is not a good place to be especially when dealing with small children who are already pushing you to your limits), and deep breathing has been proven to calm our nervous system.
I have often given this advice to myself and my children without thinking about what it really means. Learning about the benefits and how deep breathing works to calm the body has helped me become more mindful of being able to control my own stress responses and take control over how I feel in tense parenting and teaching moments. If you find yourself never getting a moment alone it is more than ok to make this a part of your children day too (I have also done breathing exercises in the classroom and on the pool deck).
Here are some great links to some deep exercises…
BELIEVE it is Enough
Lastly, I need to talk about the word “enough”. I think this is something we probably all have struggled with at one time or another. I often find myself saying to my husband, “I’m am failing at this.” He constantly reassures me I am not, but it is hard not to have those feelings. It is especially hard on days when you were only home for a half an hour and had to pop chicken nuggets in the oven for your kids, or you didn’t make it home for dinner at all, or you were late dropping off or picking up your child, or they brought home a failing grade, etc. the list could go on and on. The hardest part is knowing that those are not our defining moments.
This is for sure something I still work on every single day, but deep down I know that I am enough. When things don’t go the way I thought they should in my head it does not define me as a mother. We can all come out of this stage of life alive, and what we are doing right now as mothers is more than enough. Our unconditional love for our children in itself is more than enough.
One last thing
I wanted to leave you with this one quote to remember during the times when the days with your little ones seem so short and there just isn’t enough time (and no it is NOT “someday you’ll miss this” which is one of the worse things to say to a mom)…
“Your kids deserve a mom who is also a person becoming everything she was meant to be while she is raising them to be everything they were created to be?”
You will be “enough” for your children even if you are choosing to work on your dreams also.
